October 11th is National Coming Out Day (NCOD) – an annual, internationally observed civil awareness day celebrating individuals who publicly identify as a sexual or gender minority. One of the aims is to raise awareness of the issues surrounding coming out of the closet as an LGBTI (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Intersex) individual.

However, a OnePoll survey of 1000 Brits who identify as LGBTI showed that just 17% of them knew that NCOD is tomorrow. While another 15% at least knew NCOD exists, that still leaves a whopping 68% that had never even heard of it.

30% of the people we asked thought NCOD could help raise awareness of the issues surrounding coming out of the closet, while another 56% thought it might if it was better publicised.

27% of people even thought NCOD might help some people build up courage to come out to their friends and family, and similarly, 50% thought it could do if more people knew about it.

Average age to come out

For the men that took our survey, the average age to realise they were LGBTI was 15, and the average age to come out was 19.

On average, women tended to realise slightly later at age 16, but come out a bit sooner at age 18.

Over time, people seem to be realising they’re LGBTI at a younger age. For respondents aged 55+, the average age was 18. This age steadily decreased right down to the 18-24 year old group, who realised at age 13 on average.

The same linear trend emerged when we looked at the average age people came out of the closet, with people aged 55+ doing so at 24, and 18-24 year olds at age 16.

Homosexual people were more likely to be “out” than bisexual people

The majority of people that took our survey identified as either homosexual (42%) or bisexual (50%).

42% of people that identified as homosexual feel able to be completely open about their sexuality. 14% said they’re open with friends but not family, and just 3% remain firmly in the closet, having not told anyone.

It seems bisexual people are less likely to come out than their homosexual counterparts, with only 29% feeling able to be completely open about their sexuality. Meanwhile, more of them are open with friends but not family (22%), and many more haven’t told anyone at all (14%).

Why stay in the closet?

The most common reason given for not being completely out of the closet was the worry that other people might treat them differently once they found out (37%).

The second most common concern was that some friends and/or family members would disapprove (31%).

28% of people that said they’re not fully open about their sexuality said this was in part due to the fact they were currently in a heterosexual relationship.

23% said they worry that they may be the victim of bullying if they come out to everyone.

8% said they’re still in the closet because their religion states that being LGBTI is wrong.

6% were concerned that it might affect their career prospects.

Why come out?

The most influential factor in deciding to come out of the closet for our panellists was feeling confident in one’s own sexuality/gender (35%), closely followed by feeling it would help with one’s personal growth (31%).

25% of people that had come out said they didn’t feel able to be themselves while still in the closet, and 17% felt like they were lying to friends and family by pretending to be heterosexual.

Very few people had come out because they felt pressured by a friend or partner to do so (3%), though many would argue this is 3% too many.

How to tell people

63% of people said they came out to their friends and family face-to-face.

The second most popular communication method was by text (28%), and third was on the phone (24%).

30% of 18-24 year olds said they came out on social media.

How did it go?

50% of people we surveyed that had come out to someone said some of those they told were very accepting.

30% said some of the people they came out to already knew they were LGBTI anyway.

Sadly, 23% found they were rejected by some of the people they opened up to.

Despite some people having negative experiences when coming out, people said that they were more likely to experience positive feelings, such as relief (26%), happiness (19%) or freedom (14%) than negative ones, such as depression (2%), loneliness (4%) and fear (9%) at this time.

Inclusive sex education

Sex education in schools is a controversial topic, but many people are currently campaigning for mandatory LGBTI-inclusive sex education in schools.

55% of people surveyed thought LGBTI-inclusive sex education would help young LGBTI people build up courage to come out to their friends and family.

The potential benefit most people thought it could have was to support young LGBTI students in understanding their own sexuality and gender (59%).

However, only 12% thought they received enough LGBTI-inclusive sex education in school. A considerable 53% weren’t taught any at all.

Advice

We also asked our respondents whether they had any advice they would want to give another LGBTI person that was considering coming out of the closet. We were overwhelmed by the amount of helpful suggestions and positive messages people left! We created the images below to give you an idea of what our lovely panel shared with us…